1. Why did the tomato turn red?
- Because it saw the salad dressing!
2. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
- Because he was outstanding in his field!
3. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
- An investigator!
4. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
- Because they make up everything!
5. How do you organize a space party?
- You are planet!
6. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
- Because it was two-tired!
7. What do you call a fake noodle?
- An impasta!
8. What do you call a sleeping bull?
- A bulldozer!
9. Why do bees hum?
- Because they don’t know the words!
10. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
- A gummy bear!
11. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
- Because they’re always up to something!
12. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
- Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
13. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
- To get to the other slide!
14. Why did the coffee file a police report?
- It got mugged!
15. Why did the man run around his bed?
- Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
16. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
- Because it was feeling crummy!
17. Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
- It ran out of juice!
18. Why do cows wear bells?
- Because their horns don’t work!
19. Why was the math book sad?
- Because it had too many problems!
20. Why did the math book look so sad?
- Because it had too many problems.
21. Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend?
- Because she was a cheetah!
22. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
- He wanted cold, hard cash!
23. What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
- Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
24. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
- Because it wasn’t peeling well!
25. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
- They don’t have the guts!
26. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
- They’d crack each other up!
27. Why did the chicken cross the road?
- To get to the other side!
28. Why did the duck cross the road?
- To prove he wasn’t chicken!
29. Why was the belt sent to jail?
- For holding up pants!
30. Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?
- He was stuck in a vicious cycle!
31. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
- In case he got a hole-in-one!
32. Why did the bear dissolve in water?
- Because it was polar!
33. Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
- To reach the high notes!
34. Why did the doctor carry a red pen?
- In case he needed to draw blood!
35. Why did the dog chase his tail?
- To get in touch with his inner puppy!
36. Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
- Because of its bark!
37. Why don’t ghosts use elevators?
- They lift their spirits instead!
38. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
- Live stream.
39. Why did the man send his phone to school?
- To get it more intelligent.
40. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
- Because he was outstanding in his field.
41. Why did the crab never share his toys?
- He was shellfish.
42. Why did the sun go to school?
- To get brighter.
43. Why did the barber win the race?
- He knew a shortcut.
44. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
- Because it wasn’t peeling well.
45. What do you call a fake noodle?
- An impasta.
46. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
- They make up everything.
47. Why don’t oysters give to charity?
- They’re shellfish.
48. Why did the frog call his insurance company?
- He had a jump in his car.
49. Why did the tomato turn yellow?
- It saw the banana peel.
50. Why did the dog cross the road twice?
- To chase a double-crosser.
51. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
- They don’t have the guts.
52. Why did the psychic break up with her boyfriend?
- He didn’t see it coming.
53. Why did the chicken go to the seance?
- To talk to the other side!
54. Why don’t ants get sick?
- They have tiny antibodies!
55. Why was the computer cold?
- It left its Windows open!
56. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
- Because it felt crummy!
57. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
- In case he got a hole-in-one!
58. Why did the man throw his clock out the window?
- Because he wanted to see it, time flies!
59. Why was the belt sent to jail?
- For holding up the pants!
60. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
- He wanted cold hard cash!
61. Why did the pencil break up with the eraser?
- Because it felt rubbed the wrong way!
62. Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
- He drank his coffee before it was cool!
63. Why did the man decide to sell his vacuum cleaner?
- It was just gathering dust!
64. Why did the tomato turn green?
- Because it saw the salad dressing!
65. Why did the cow go to outer space?
- To see the moon!
66. Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?
- He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
67. Why did the crab cross the road?
- To get to the Shell station.
68. Why don’t vampires go to barbecues?
- They don’t like steak.
69. Why did the chicken go to the séance?
- To speak to the other side.
70. Why did the coffee file a police report?
- It got mugged.
71. Why was the math book sad?
- Because it had too many problems.
72. Why did the tomato blush?
- Because it saw the salad dressing.
73. Why don’t trees have phones?
- Because they prefer to leaf messages.
74. Why don’t ants get sick?
- They have tiny antibodies.
75. Why was the broom late?
- It swept in.
76. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
- Because it ran out of juice.
77. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
- It felt crummy.
78. Why was the computer cold?
- Because it left its Windows open!
79. Why did the snowman refuse to smile?
- He didn’t want to give anyone the cold shoulder.
80. Why did the bicycle fall over?
- Because it was two-tired.
81. Why did the baker go to therapy?
- He kneaded help.
82. Why did the chicken join a band?
- To play the drumsticks.
83. Why did the bee go to the doctor?
- It had hives.
84. Why don’t crabs give to charity?
- They’re shellfish.
85. Why don’t skeletons go trick-or-treating?
- They have nobody to go with.
86. Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?
- So it could hide in a cherry tree.
87. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
- Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
88. Why don’t ghosts ride elevators?
- They lift their own spirits.
89. Why did the can crusher quit his job?
- Because it was soda pressing.
90. Why did the man name his dogs Timex and Rolex?
- Because they were watchdogs.
91. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
- To get to the other slide.
92. Why did the sheep go to the hair salon?
- To get a ewe-nice haircut.
93. Why did the belt go to jail?
- It held up a pair of pants.
94. Why don’t vampires like mosquito bites?
- They’re already dead; they don’t need any more bites.
95. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
- They don’t have the guts for it.
96. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
- Because they make up everything.
97. Why don’t oysters share their pearls?
- They’re shellfish.
98. Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend?
- She was a cheetah.
99. Why don’t ducks tell jokes when they fly south for the winter?
- Because they’d quack up.
100. Why did the tomato turn red?
- Because it saw the salad dressing.
101. Why was the belt sent to jail?
- For holding up the pants of a criminal.
102. Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
- It was feeling down.
103. Why did the snowman go to the doctor?
- Because he had a meltdown.
104. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
- Because it felt crumbly.
105. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
- It ran out of juice.
106. Why did the thief rob a bakery?
- He kneaded dough.
107. Why did the tomato turn green?
- It saw the salad dressing.
108. Why don’t ghosts use elevators?
- They lift their spirits.
109. Why did the pencil break up with the eraser?
- It felt rubbed the wrong way.
110. Why did the duck cross the road?
- To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
111. Why don’t cows have any money?
- They always milk it.
112. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
- Because they might crack up.
113. Why did the chicken go to the séance?
- To talk to Colonel Sanders.
114. Why don’t fish like basketball?
- They always get stuck on the court.
115. Why don’t you ever see hippopotamuses hiding in trees?
- Because they’re good at it.
116. Why did the doctor carry a red pen?
- In case he needed to draw blood.
117. Why did the grape go to the hospital?
- It was in a raisin state.
118. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
- It was already stuffed.
119. Why don’t vampires like garlic?
- It takes the bite out of them.
120. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
- In case he got a hole-in-one.
121. Why don’t aliens eat clowns?
- Because they taste funny.
122. Why did the apple go to the doctor?
- Because it had a rotten core.
123. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
- Because it had a virus.
124. Why did the gardener plant a light bulb?
- He wanted to grow a power plant.
125. Why did the snake go to the doctor?
- It had a history of biting people.
126. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
- It was feeling crumbly.
127. Why did the chicken go to the seance?
- To talk to Colonel Sanders.
128. Why did the bear go to the doctor?
- It had a fever and was feeling unbearable.
129. Why did the elephant refuse to play cards?
- Because he was afraid of the cheetah.
130. Why did the tree go to the dentist?
- It needed a root canal.
131. Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
- He needed some space.
132. Why did the pirate go to the Apple Store?
- He wanted to buy an iPatch.
133. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
- He had nobody to go with him.
134. Why don’t oysters give to charity?
- Because they’re shellfish.
135. Why did the tomato turn yellow?
- Because it was confusing.
136. Why don’t blind people skydive?
- It scares their dogs.
137. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
- In case he got a hole-in-one.
138. Why don’t ghosts go on vacation?
- They’re afraid they’ll disappear.
139. Why did the dog go to the vet?
- It was feeling ruff.
140. Why did the fish blush?
- Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
141. Why did the tomato turn purple?
- It was trying to ketchup with the other vegetables.
142. Why did the athlete go to the bank?
- To get his quarterback.
143. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
- He wanted cold hard cash.
144. Why did the dog carry a clock in its mouth?
- It was a watchdog.
145. Why don’t vampires go to barbecues?
- They don’t like steaks.
