1. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m not good at poetry, but I made this just for you.
2. There was a young lady from Kent, Whose nose was exceedingly bent. She walked into a door And bent it even more, Now she looked rather strange, but I was content.
3. There once was a man from Peru, Who had a lot of growing to do. He ate lots of beans And grew into his jeans, Now he’s six feet five, and his shoes are a few.
4. There was an old man with a beard, Who said, “It is just as I feared! Two owls and a hen, Four larks, and a wren, Have all built their nests in my beard!”
5. There was a young fellow named Hall, Who fell in the spring in the fall. ‘Twould have been a sad thing, Had he died in the spring, But he didn’t—he died in the fall.
6. Hickory, Dickory, dock, The mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one, And the mouse ran down Hickory, dickory, dock.
7. Jack and Jill went up the hill, To fetch a pail of water. Jack fell and broke his crown, And Jill came tumbling after.
8. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are! Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky.
9. Mary had a little lamb. Its fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, The lamb was sure to go.
10. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m not a poet, and neither are you.
11. A lady with eyes of emerald green, Had the finest derrière you’ve ever seen. She said, “Don’t be crude, But this bum that I’ve glued, Is the finest you’ll ever have seen.”
12. There once was a man from Peru, Whose head was a size thirty-two. He said with a grin While fitting a hat in, “I’m glad my head isn’t two.”
13. There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose beard was so long he could tuck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, “If my ear was a house, I could rent it!”
14. Mary had a little lamb. Its fleece was black as coal. And every time it stepped on white, It left a little hole.
15. There was a young lady named Mabel, Whose speed was quite unstable. She’d set off at a run, And when she was done, She’d find herself back at the table.
16. There was a young fellow named Sid, Whose nose was exceedingly big. He went for a swim And found it was dim, For he used it as a personal twig.
17. There was a young man from Kent, Whose nose was exceedingly bent. He could smell all the cheese on the slightest breeze, But he couldn’t tell who sent it.
18. There once was a man from Kilkenny, Who played the piano with his fanny. He could play any tune, From dawn until noon, But only with a glass of ginny.
19. There was a young lady from France, Who wore a peculiar hat, perchance. It had ears like a hare, And a nose like a pear, And smelled like a moldy old dance.
20. Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m bad at poetry, Nice weather.
21. If, at first, you don’t succeed, Skydiving is not for you.
22. I have a pet goldfish. His name is Captain Jack, He’s always hungry, But his memory’s not intact.
23. There was a young lady from Kent, Whose nose was exceedingly bent. She walked into a door And bent it even more. Now she’s on the lookout for cement.
24. I saw a sign that said, “Watch for children” I thought, “That’s a fair trade.”
25. My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” I said, “Maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me.”
26. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
27. I tried to make a belt out of watches, But it was a waste of time.
28. A man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, “I’m sorry, I can’t let you borrow it. You won’t bring it back.”
29. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
30. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
31. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
32. I got a new pair of gloves today, But they’re both “lefts,” which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
33. I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.
34. My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four Unless three other people are with me.
35. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
36. I used to be a baker, But I couldn’t raise the dough.
37. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I can’t seem to put it down.
38. My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables, and I replied, “If you want organic vegetables, grow them yourself.”
39. I’m a multitasker. I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time.
40. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
41. I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’s bound to take me places.
42. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
43. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
44. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
45. Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car.