1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
2. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
3. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
4. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
5. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
6. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
7. I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.
8. What do you call a pile of cats? A mountain.
9. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
10. I told my wife she was overreacting. She just rolled her eyes and left the room.
11. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
12. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
13. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
14. Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
15. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
16. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
17. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
18. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
19. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it already had drumsticks.
20. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. They’re remarkable.
21. I’m not lazy. I’m just energy-efficient.
22. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
23. Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny antibodies.
24. I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs. But I’ll trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person.
25. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
26. I was going to joke about pizza, but it was a little cheesy.
27. What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob.
28. Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park? They woke up.
29. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.
30. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
31. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
32. I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament. But it’s really hard to find good players.
33. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
34. I don’t always tell dad jokes. But when I do, he laughs.
35. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
36. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
37. I’m good at math, but my favorite equation is 2+2=fish.
38. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
39. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
40. I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
41. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
42. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
43. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I can’t seem to put it down.
44. What do you call a cow that’s just given birth? De-calf-inated.
45. Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
46. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I can’t seem to put it down.
47. Why did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
48. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a trampoline and a well-dressed man on a trampoline? Attire.
49. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the parking lot.
50. Why did the old man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
I hope these jokes gave you a good laugh!
