1. Why did the married couple go to the gym? Because they wanted their relationship to work out.
2. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
3. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
4. How do you make your wife scream twice in the bedroom? You fuck her, then wipe your dick on the curtains.
5. What do you call a man crying while washing the dishes? Husband material.
6. I asked my wife if she ever fantasized about me, and she said yes, about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
7. Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in, and those inside are desperate to get out.
8. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
9. What’s the difference between a husband and a dog? The dog is eventually trained.
10. Why did the wife run away from her husband on their wedding night? She realized that he was a premature ejaculatory.
11. Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to.
12. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
13. A good marriage is like a casserole; only those responsible for it know what goes into it. 14. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met.
15. Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
16. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
17. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree, and the woman gets her Masters.
18. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
19. The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest that perhaps he’s too old to do it.
20. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
21. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
22. Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.
23. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
24. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
25. Marriage is all about compromise. For example, I just gave up arguing with my wife and let her think she’s right.