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120 Funniest Quotes from Last One Century

1. “I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables, and when I get home, I discover…
35 Funny Short Stories To Share With Your Friends

1. “I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables, and when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.” –

Ellen DeGeneres

2. “I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

3. “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing (Friends)

4. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” –

Dave Barry

5. “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown

6. “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?” – Unknown

7.”I’m not sure if I’m actually productive or just really good at procrastinating.” – Unknown

8. “My phone autocorrects ‘fml’ to ‘yay’ because I use the phrase so often.” – Unknown

9. “I’m not lazy; I’m just on my energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

10. “I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult.” – Unknown

11. “I don’t always procrastinate, but when I do, I prefer to do it tomorrow.” – Unknown

12. “I’m not short; I’m just concentrated awesome.” – Unknown

13. “I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown

14. “I’m not arguing; I’m just passionately expressing my point of view.” – Unknown

15. “I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.” – Unknown

16. “I don’t always lose my phone, but when I do, it’s always on silent.” – Unknown

17. “I’m not always sarcastic, but when I am, I’m probably annoyed.” – Unknown

18. “I’m not fat; I’m just easy to see.” – Unknown

19. “I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.” – Unknown

20. “I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown

21. “I have a photographic memory but with the lens cap on.” – Unknown

22. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just prioritizing the things that make me happy.” – Unknown

23. “I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman; I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room.” – Unknown

24. “I’m not lazy; I’m just conserving energy.” – Unknown

25. “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Unknown

26. “I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right and you’re wrong.” – Unknown

27. “I’m not sure if I’m procrastinating or just giving myself time to think.” – Unknown

28. “I’m not arguing; I’m just passionately expressing my opinion.” – Unknown

29. “I don’t always have a witty comeback, but when I do, I come up with it two hours later.” – Unknown

30. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just waiting for inspiration.” – Unknown

31. “I’m not arguing; I’m just telling you why you’re wrong.” – Unknown

32. “I don’t always have a plan, but when I do, it’s a bad one.” – Unknown

33. “I’m not lazy; I’m just conserving my energy for when I really need it.” – Unknown

34.”I’m not arguing; I’m just passionately expressing my rightness.” – Unknown

35. “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room together?” – Unknown

36. “I’m not lazy; I’m just on power-saving mode.” – Unknown

37. “I don’t have a ‘type.’ Unless you count ‘not interested’ as a type.” – Unknown

38. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just prioritizing my Netflix queue.” – Unknown

39. “I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.” – Unknown

40. “I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right and you’re wrong.” – Unknown

41. “I’m not lazy; I’m just conserving my energy for more important things, like napping.” – Unknown

42. “I’m not sure if I’m procrastinating or just taking a really long break.” – Unknown

43. “I’m not arguing; I’m just passionately expressing my opinion and hoping you’ll agree with me.” – Unknown

44. “I’m not always late, but when I am, it’s because I forgot the concept of time.” – Unknown

45. “I’m not arguing; I’m just stating my opinion in a louder voice.” – Unknown

46. “I’m not lazy; I’m just allergic to Mondays.” – Unknown

47. “I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but have you ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room?” – Unknown

48. “I’m not arguing; I’m just using my outside voice.” – Unknown

49. “I’m not lazy; I’m just practicing my hibernation skills.” – Unknown

50. “I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.” – Unknown

51. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just waiting for the right time to start procrastinating.” – Unknown

52. “I’m not arguing; I’m just passionately expressing my rightness in a really annoying way.” – Unknown

53. “I’m not lazy; I’m just taking a horizontal life pause.” – Unknown

54. “I’m not arguing, I’m just trying to explain why I’m right and you’re an idiot.” – Unknown

55. “I’m not short; I’m fun-sized.” – Unknown

56. “I’m not arguing; I’m just telling you why you’re wrong in a really annoying voice.” – Unknown

57. “I’m not lazy; I’m just on a break from being productive.” – Unknown

58. “I’m not arguing; I’m just using my words to make you feel bad about yourself.” – Unknown

59. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just waiting for the last minute to be more efficient.” – Unknown

60. “I’m not arguing; I’m just practicing my debating skills.” – Unknown

61. “I’m not lazy. I’m just conserving my energy for when I really need it, like when the pizza guy arrives.” – Unknown

62. “I’m not arguing; I’m just trying to explain why you’re wrong in a really loud voice.” – Unknown

63. “I’m not lazy; I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.” – Unknown

64. “I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right in a way that makes you feel dumb.” – Unknown

65. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just strategically delaying.” – Unknown

66. “I’m not arguing; I’m just trying to save you from your own wrongness.” – Unknown

67. “I’m not lazy; I’m just energy efficient.” – Unknown

68. “I’m not arguing; I’m just expressing my opinions in a way that makes you question your own existence.” – Unknown

69. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just taking a mental health break.” – Unknown

70. “I’m not arguing; I’m just using my words to crush your soul.” – Unknown

71. “I’m not lazy; I’m just on power-saving mode until further notice.” – Unknown

72. “I’m not arguing; I’m just passionately expressing my rightness in a way that makes you want to punch me in the face.” – Unknown

73. “I’m not saying I’m Superman, but have you ever seen me and Superman in the same room?” – Unknown

74. “I’m not arguing; I’m just giving you a chance to admit you’re wrong.” – Unknown

75. “I’m not lazy; I’m just taking a mental vacation.” – Unknown

76. “I’m not arguing; I’m just using my superior intellect to prove you wrong.” – Unknown

77.”I’m not procrastinating; I’m just waiting for inspiration to strike.” – Unknown

78. “I’m not arguing; I’m just stating the obvious.” – Unknown

79. “I’m not lazy; I’m just conserving my energy for when it really matters, like dessert.” – Unknown

80. “I’m not arguing; I’m just trying to educate you on the error of your ways.” – Unknown

81. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just taking a break to refuel my creativity.” – Unknown

82. “I’m not arguing; I’m just using my words to make you feel inferior.” – Unknown

83. “I’m not lazy; I’m just conserving my energy for the weekend.” – Unknown

84. “I’m not arguing; I’m just trying to teach you how to be right like me.” – Unknown

85. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just letting my ideas marinate.” – Unknown

86. “I’m not arguing; I’m just trying to open your eyes to the truth.” – Unknown

87. “I’m not lazy; I’m just conserving my energy for when I become a millionaire.” – Unknown

88. “I’m not arguing; I’m just trying to show you the light at the end of the tunnel of your wrongness.” – Unknown

89. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just giving my mind a chance to breathe.” – Unknown

90. “I’m not arguing; I’m just using my words to make you question everything you’ve ever known.” – Unknown

91. “I’m not lazy; I’m just recharging my batteries.” – Unknown

92. “I’m not arguing; I’m just trying to help you see the error of your ways.” – Unknown

93. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just taking a mental vacation to a beach somewhere.” – Unknown

94. “I’m not arguing; I’m just stating the obvious truths that you refuse to acknowledge.” – Unknown

95. “I’m not arguing; I’m just exercising my right to be right.” – Unknown

96. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just giving my brain a rest from all the awesomeness it’s been producing.” – Unknown

97. “I’m not arguing; I’m just trying to enlighten you with my infinite wisdom.” – Unknown

98. “I’m not lazy; I’m just maximizing my laziness potential.” – Unknown

99. “I’m not arguing; I’m just having a heated discussion with someone who is clearly wrong.” – Unknown

100. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just being an incubator for brilliant ideas.” – Unknown

101. “I’m not arguing; I’m just teaching you the art of being right.” – Unknown

102. “I’m not lazy; I’m just saving my energy for the important things, like pizza.” – Unknown

103. “I’m not arguing; I’m just expressing my opinion in a way that happens to be correct.” – Unknown

104. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just taking a moment to appreciate the beauty of life.” – Unknown

105. “I’m not arguing; I’m just trying to enlighten you with my superior knowledge.” – Unknown

106. “I’m not lazy; I’m just conserving my energy for when I really need it, like when I’m old.” – Unknown

107. “I’m not arguing; I’m just giving you a chance to recognize my greatness.” – Unknown

108. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just letting my mind wander to places of endless possibility.” – Unknown

109. “I’m not arguing; I’m just presenting the facts in a way that happens to make you look stupid.” – Unknown

110. “I’m not lazy; I’m just preserving my energy for the zombie apocalypse.” – Unknown

111. “I’m not arguing; I’m just giving you the opportunity to learn from me.” – Unknown

112. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just letting my ideas marinate until they are perfectly delicious.” – Unknown

113. “I’m not lazy; I’m just strategically conserving my energy for my next brilliant idea.” – Unknown

114. “I’m not arguing; I’m just helping you see the error of your ways.” – Unknown

115. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just taking a moment to bask in my own awesomeness.” – Unknown

116.. “I’m not arguing; I’m just using my superior intelligence to outwit you.” – Unknown

117. “I’m not lazy; I’m just efficiently using my energy to avoid doing anything unnecessary.” – Unknown

118. “I’m not arguing; I’m just enlightening you with my superior knowledge and wit.” – Unknown

119. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m just giving my creative genius time to percolate.” – Unknown

120. “I’m not arguing; I’m just speaking the truth, even if it hurts your feelings.” – Unknown

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